DEAR DEIDRE I had a completely unexpected reaction when my wife confessed to multiple affairs

DEAR DEIDRE: When my wife confessed she’d had five other lovers during our marriage, I think she expected me to leave her.

Instead, it really turned me on. Now I’d like her to do it again - while I watch.

I’m 45 and she’s 43. We’ve been married for 18 years.

I knew she’d had plenty of partners before we met and suspected she hadn’t always been faithful to me.

When I found sexy photos of her - that I’d never seen - I confronted her about who she’d sent them to.

She broke down and admitted she’d had a fling

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It all came out - one night stands and several affairs. To her surprise and mine, I wasn’t angry. I wanted to know all the details.

The more she told me, the more sexually excited I felt. 

We ended up having incredible sex - the best in years.

Since then, I ask her to describe how they made love to her, as foreplay.

She was uncomfortable at first - I know she still feels guilty - but now she is happy to oblige.

The truth is, imagining her with other men has always been a big fantasy of mine. 

I want to take it further. I’d love to be there when she has sex with another guy.

I don’t want a threesome - just to be in the room, watching.

But I don’t know how to suggest this, and I don’t want to pressure her into it.

DEIDRE SAYS: The idea of seeing your wife have sex with another man - known as voyeurism - turns you on, but talking about a fantasy is very different from actually doing it.

You might find that reality generates unexpected emotions, like jealousy. 

On the one hand, it’s good that you’ve been able to overcome your wife’s infidelity.

On the other, it doesn’t sound like you’ve got to the root of why she was unfaithful.

The fact she feels guilty and was uncomfortable talking about it suggests there are reasons you haven’t confronted or discussed.

Remember, she doesn’t share your fantasy. She may not want to have sex with another man while you watch.

Talk to her about this. But if she doesn’t like the idea, you must accept her decision.

Make sure she doesn’t say yes simply to please or appease you.

My support pack, Sexual Fantasies And You, will be helpful to read. with a guy from work, but said it was over. I asked her to be honest about whether there had been others. 

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