DEAR DEIDRE I’m worried sexual history with my cousin will ruin my wedding day

DEAR DEIDRE: AS a teenager, I experimented sexually with my male cousin, now the thought of getting married in front of him is making me feel sick.

I haven’t seen him for a couple of years but it’s still something I’m intensely embarrassed about. 

I’m a woman of 30, he’s 31 and we have both moved on now, but we were always close growing up.

Our mums are sisters and best friends, so we spent a lot of time together in childhood.

Being 15, I was  inexperienced with the opposite sex.

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My feelings and hormones were raging but all I knew was I fancied my cousin. And it soon became obvious he liked me too.

One afternoon while our mums went shopping we started fooling around in my bedroom.

Initially, we would kiss and touch each other over our clothes but over time it escalated.

We never had full sex but within a year did pretty much everything else possible.  Eventually, we grew out of it and never spoke about it again, but looking back I feel so weird about it.

Whenever I see my aunt or hear about what my cousin’s up to I get flashbacks of us undressing each other.

Even though he’s married with two kids, the thought of him being there on my wedding day puts me on edge.

If I had it my way I wouldn’t invite him, but if I try to leave him out my family would question why.

It feels so wrong to have messed around sexually with family and I’m struggling to forgive myself — and him.

I don’t want my wedding day to be plagued by thoughts of my past.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s perfectly normal to be sexually curious when you’re young, and it’s not that unusual to have experimented with friends or relatives.

You have no reason to feel embarrassed. In fact, there’s nothing wrong legally with having a relationship with a first cousin. It’s not seen as incest.

Try not to let it define you. We all do things that we regret.

Ultimately, it is your wedding and therefore your decision. But you’ve both moved on so this is a closed chapter. 

If this continues to bother you, please talk to someone about your feelings.

You can contact The Mix (, 0808 808 4994) which provides confidential emotional support.

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