DAN WOOTTON: An orgy of unfunny woke 'gags' from flop host Rebel Wilson, luvvie celebs virtue signalling aplenty, the worst winning film ever and a telling no show from Wills – why it's time for the BBC to finally axe the snobfest that is the BAFTAs
It began before the pampered luvvies had even stepped foot inside the Royal Albert Hall to quaff their first glass of free champagne.
The painfully insincere virtue signalling from A-list actors designed to make them feel better about attending a gauche celebration of niche movies very few ordinary members of the public have watched and enjoyed at a time when bombs are raining down on Ukraine and Brits face a once-in-a-generation cost of living crisis.Never fear, Benedict Cumberbatch was wearing a blue and yellow badge to show that he's 'standing side-by-side' with his Ukrainian 'brothers and sisters who are going through this'.
And then, in front of the TV cameras on the red carpet, he made this pledge: 'Everyone needs to do as much as they can. There's been a record number of people volunteering to take people into their homes, I hope to be part of that myself.'
Hope being the operative word there.I'd argue there's more chance of Benedict actually housing a refugee in his own home than Jane Campion, director of The Power of the Dog, producing a film that makes any sense.
The fact that the Netflix western – the most self-indulgent, boring and pointless movie I've ever seen – was named Best Film is just one of the many reasons why it's time for the BBC to axe the snobfest that the BAFTAs has sadly become in the name of diversity and political correctness.s
Watching last night's two-hour ceremony, I find it hard to believe the Beeb doesn't have a BAFTA death wish.
That's the only explanation for the executives in charge of the show allowing Rebel Wilson to commit two-hours of non-stop crimes against comedy.
Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter at the BAFTAs at the Royal Albert Hall last nightShe is now, hands down, the worst presenter in British awards show history, even pipping Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox of 1989 Brit Awards infamy.
'Good evening ladies and gentlemen and gender fluid youth,' began Rebel as she kicked off proceedings. 'Welcome to the 75th and final EE British Academy Film Awards. Oh wait, sorry, this is not the final one. Well, we'll see about that.'
What followed for the next painful 120-minutes was an orgy of unfunny and woke so-called 'gags' that left everyone in the audience, other than a clearly over acting Emma Watson, cringing.
There were all the typical leftie laugh lines.
Rebel Wilson attending the British Academy Film Awards held at the Royal Albert Hall last night
Slag off JK Rowling for her views on the rights of women: 'Now I might look a bit different since the last time you saw me here. Since then I've done quite a transformation. I hope JK Rowling still approves.'
Lash out at James Bond for being sexist: 'Bond is turning 60 – and his girlfriends are turning 25.'
Moan about inequality for millionaire female actors: 'I'm proud to announce that the new James Bond will be me. And because of the gender pay gap, I actually won't be called 007, I'll be 00.45.'
Take a dig at the US because of the democratically elected former president Donald Trump: 'American Horror Story or, as I like to say, America the past five years.'
Harry Potter star Emma Watson attends the British Academy Film Awards in London yesterdayEven when she managed to put her woke agenda to one side, the problem is Rebel was about as funny as Nish Kumar on the BBC's late and not at all great Mash Report.
On Kenneth Branagh's brilliant Belfast – which outrageously took home just one gong – she trilled: 'I heard they're already going to make an American version of Belfast called Bel Fast and Bel Furious.'
Before the Best Director award was announced, she riffed pointedly: 'The best director category has been split between three female directors and three normal directors.'
Yup, it's not comfortable being a man at the BAFTAs these days.
And after Will Smith won Best Actor over Benedict Cumberbatch for his role in King Richard, Rebel nastily sniggered in reference to his marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith: 'Personally I thought his best performance in the past year was being OK with all his wife's boyfriends. What? Come on, he didn't show up. You can't use Covid as an excuse anymore.'
Speaking of the virus, my rage peaked during last night's ceremony as the most despicable form of Covid theatre played out.
As Rebel attempted another one of her dire quips, a staff member wheeled out a cake of Cumberbatch's face (don't ask why).
As every A-lister and film executive in attendance watched on unmuzzled, the poor assistant had a black cloth mask covering her face, a medically useless nod to the discredited pandemic science I hoped we had now moved on from.
Rebel Wilson with winners on stage at the British Academy Film Awards in London last nightIt's reminiscent of the absurd scenes we've seen at other luvvie events like the Met Gala where the hired help have been forced to wear masks while the celebrities roam free – and it makes me sick.
I think the pandemic and the war in Ukraine has made this orgy of self-congratulation by out of touch luvvies more vulgar than ever.
Who gives a damn about political posturing from an overpaid actor with no idea about the real world anymore?
But still they tried.
There was Emma Watson – one of the woke Harry Potter stars to so shamefully shun JK Rowling, the woman who made them famous – trying to convince us that movies are made to push a far-left political agenda, rather than to entertain the masses.
Introducing the Outstanding British Film gong, she droned on: 'Our industry is blessed with so many diverse voices, exploring ideas of sexuality, race, religion and identity. Different ways of being. Our creative talents are brave enough to explore the past because they're eager to face the future.'
And then there was Andy Serkis, most famous for playing Gollum in the Lord of the Rings, who launched a predictable all-out assault on the Home Secretary as he handed out the Best Director award, saying the winner must create 'an atmosphere that inspires, is inclusive and values every single member of that family equally'.
Revealing his punchline, he sneered: 'It's no surprise that Priti Patel in her debut feature Hostile Environment found enormous problems and that her follow up movie All Refugees Are Welcome But Some Are More Welcome Than Others was a complete nightmare.'
For a BAFTA moment he incorrectly thought would go viral, you'd hope Serkis would at least bother to write a decent punchline.
I'm sorry, these pampered actors have absolutely no right to lecture us about anything.
An illustration of just how far from the real word they are came in an official style guide produced for BAFTA guests by the London College of Fashion which encouraged attendees not to chuck out their outfits that cost many thousands of pounds after wearing them just once.
Sienna Miller presents an award at the British Academy Film Awards in London last nightIt warned: 'We've all been there the day after the night before – stained shoes, red wine spillages. Instead of throwing away your clothing and accessories, try bringing them back to life with specialist cleaning.'
No, we have most definitely NOT all been there. If you're having to teach actors not to throw into the bin designer clothes literally worn once, then your industry is rotten to the core.
But perhaps nothing summed up the dire state of the BAFTAs more than the no-shows.
A string of winners – including big names like Will Smith, Jane Campion and Hans Zimmer – simply didn't bother to turn up.
By far the most damaging absentee was BAFTA President Prince William, whose increasingly fractious relationship with the organisation and its outgoing Chief Executive Amanda Berry I have documented over the past couple of years.
He wasn't happy with the lack of diversity in the nominations and even gave the awards a public slap down in 2020.
West Side Story's Ariana DeBose poses with her award for best supporting actress last nightLast year's awarding of Noel Clarke with a Contribution to Cinema award, ignoring swirling allegations about his professional conduct, was probably the final straw.
Wills appeared briefly in a video message dressed in a tux trumpeting a BAFTA diversity programme – but the absence of the future king and his glamorous wife Kate from the ceremony was a bad omen.
James Bond was made the centrepiece of the ceremony, with an extraordinary opening performance (the highlight of the entire awards) by the legend Dame Shirley Bassey at 85 of Diamonds Are Forever, but then the latest movie – the last featuring Daniel Craig – was snubbed in every category it was nominated bar one.
Above all else, the BAFTAs don't give a damn about what ordinary Brits love to watch at the cinema, choosing to recognise a string of obscure and right-on films over box office hits.
So unless the BAFTAs are prepared to enter the real world, the BBC should stop wasting licence fee payers' money and two hours of Sunday night primetime to broadcast such self-congratulatory nonsense.
I'll only watch again if Rebel Wilson is replaced with Ricky Gervais.
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