‘Saturday Night Live’ Mocks CNN’s Blitzer As Anything But A ‘Neutral News Anchor’

 

“Saturday Night Live” mocked CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer in its latest show, which featured Jim Carrey as a gleeful Joe Biden and Alec Baldwin as a glum President Trump.

The cold open began with Blizter, played by Beck Bennett, who says “I’ve been awake for so long my weird stubbly beard finally makes sense.”

“For the folks at home who’ve been obsessively watching cable news all week, we’ve been teasing a big announcement and today it’s finally here. CNN can now project that Joe Biden will be the next president of the United States,” Bennett says to cheers.

“I know I’m supposed to be a neutral news anchor but G** d*** it, that feels good. Woooo!” he says.

Bennett then throws over to Carrey, who says: Thank you very much America. We did it! Can you believe it? I honestly kind of can’t. It’s been so long since something good happened.”

“I’ve never felt so alive, which is ironic because I’m not that alive,” Carrey says.

“And look, as I’ve said many times, I don’t care whether you voted for me or not, I’m going to be a president for all Americans. Whether you’re from a liberal state like California, or a conservative state like Oklahoma, or a cracked hot mess like Florida, I will be your president.”

Carrey then introduces his running mate, Sen. Kamala Harris, played by Maya Rudolph, who notes that she’s the first female, the first black, the Indian American and the first biracial vice president.

“And if any of that terrifies you, I don’t give a funt,” she says. “Also my husband, will be the first second gentleman, and he’s Jewish. So between us we check more boxes than a disqualified ballot.”

“And so all the little black and brown girls watching right now, I just want to say this: The reason your mom is laughing so much tonight is because she’s drunk,” Rudolph says to laughter. “And the reason she’s crying, is because she’s drunk. Your mom is going to switch from laughing to crying to dancing pretty much all night. And it’s not because she’s crazy, it’s because she’s drunk.”

Carrey pops back in to say, “Tonight, we’re not gonna stand here and gloat. We’re not rubbing our victory in everybody’s face.”

Then Rudolph chimes in, saying, “But just like a tiny bit?”

The two then start dancing until Bennett cuts them off and says “hold that though for just a moment because people don’t just want to see Biden and Kamala happy, they also want to see Trump sad. So let’s check in on the president’s concession speech, which I’m sure will be gracious and factual.”

Baldwin says, “Good evening. Thank you. Thank you for coming to watch my victory speech tonight. As anyone who died halfway through Tuesday knows I was reelected president of the United States. But of course they’re trying to steal the election away from me. Come on let’s hear it: Stop the count, stop the count.”

An aide then whispers in his ear and Baldwin says, “What’s that? I’m behind. Then count all the votes, every last vote,” he chants.

“We all know this election was rigged. There was no blue wave,” he says. “The fact is I was winning on Tuesday, then they started whittling away my votes, whittling them down until there was only a wittle bit weft. But I vow to all my supporters I will to fight this thing to the bitter end, I will never give up. And neither should you.”

Baldwin then heads to a piano, where he plays the Village People’s “Macho Man.”

At the end, Baldwin says, “See you in court.”